i came into the office and i think everyone had just had a baby the day before because that is all there was in the waiting room. they signed up 3 new babies within like 15 minutes. the physician's assistant finally called me back and kept saying how sorry she was about all that she knew what had happened and kept trying to call me back first but they kept telling her no.
i waited a little in the back room and kept telling my self to be strong. i wanted to tell him how mad i was at him that he kept me waiting and he should NEVER do that to another patient. its common sense. but when he walked into the door and he gave that look. the look that says i am sorry but there is nothing i can do for you look. i just broke down and cried and everything else went out the window.
he patted my back and i settled down enough to talk, and he gave me 3 options:
1: i could wait, and do it naturally. technically i had been waiting though because i was supposed to be about a month farther along than we had thought.
2: i could have a D & C. i didn't really want to do that though because they could have lots of complications, and i didn't like the idea of going under or anything, i have never experienced that before.
3: i could take some pills. he would put them up vaginally, and they would start contractions and everything to get the baby out. he said it was very successful and you should slowly start cramping, and bleeding, it would get heavier and heavier while you pass everything and then it will slow back down like a regular period and then stop. he said occasionally people bleed more because their body has a hard time passing all the tissue or something gets stuck, then they would have to do the d & c but that doesn't happen very often.
i thought about it and i liked the idea of the pills to be able to go home and do it naturally instead of waiting or a big procedure but i wanted to think about it and i wanted to talk to my husband and see.
so we just made the appointment on monday to come back and if i chose to do the pills then i could do it then. i made the appointment for 4:00 monday afternoon because that was pretty much what they had and i did it later hoping brady would be able to come with me this time.
when brady got home that day i told him about all our options and he thought the pill sounded good too and he said what ever i felt most comfortable with. (cause how could you really feel comfortable with any of those options?) we just relaxed that evening and spent time together. i want to say my mom kept Korvin over night for us so we could spend time together? but i can't really remember that part. (she did one night for us i just don't remember if it was this night or not)
Saturday evening was our ward christmas party and i remembered looking so forward to that event and was so excited to make something for the pot luck. as saturday went on we kept trying to decide if we wanted to go or not and be finally decided it might be good for us to get out. i never made anything though and didn't want to so we just ran to costco and picked up those yummy peppermint wedding mint candies and took them with us.
i hadn't really announced that we were pregnant to too many people in our ward so no one really knew what was going on and we had only told family that we had lost the baby. and it was really hard to be there because we live in a young married ward so everyone is either pregnant or just had a baby.
i remember there was a santa claus there so we got pictures of Korvin with santa claus, and they tried to have all the kids do a little dance and it was so funny to watch korvin up there with brady trying to show him what to do.
i wasn't going to say anything unless somebody brought it up because how do you say that? we are talking to people and say 'oh by the way our baby died'. it's kind of a mood killer. Brady had told our home teacher though because he came over to talk to him. and one of my dear friends, Morgan, over heard and came to me. she was so sweet and i am grateful she found out so i could talk about it with out having to say anything. she listened and set up meals for us that week so we wouldn't have to worry about anything.
we ended up going home early because we were just 2 sad people that weren't providing much fun, and i could do that at home in my sweats. before we left are bishop stopped us, he is so awesome by the way, and talked to us because he could just tell that something was different and that i was sad. he was so sweet and said all the right words and it was just because he knew something was wrong but no idea what. we ended up telling him and was just so great and comforting to us.
we didn't go to church sunday, it was more than we could handle so we just stayed home and spent the day together. it was so nice.
monday slowly came and i just watched the clock tick waiting for my appointment. i was so nervous and was just done with all these doctor's appointments and ultrasounds. there is just so much waiting, worrying, and draining. finally the time came to go to the doctors and i again got a babysitter for korvin(poor guy got tossed around for awhile.) brady wasn't able to come to this one either..
the appointment was pretty quick i had to get the pills and come back and they put them in. and i just had to go home and wait for them to take affect.
to be continued..
1 comment:
Kaylyn! I love how brave you are to talk about this on your blog! So many people shy away from sharing anything so personal and I just wanted to let you know how awesome I think you are! Love you lots!
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